This might be a little (or a lot) sad to read and may make you reach for your box of tissues. Fair warning for some hard hitting feels.
They say memories last forever, but I truly don’t believe that as many of mine are starting to turn blurry and fading out.
A few days ago I woke up extremely sad and heartbroken. It was a rough day at work and I found myself at point sitting in the back of a car crying. I dragged ass all day and was so relieved to get home. I ended up talking with one of my Anchors and sobbing a little bit more before I fell asleep.
It’s that time of year again. Family holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas. Growing up this was my favorite time because it meant all the decorations came out, family kept popping by the house, and finally those select days the entire family came over. Food, laughter, pictures, presents. It was magical. As a child and teen I loved it. I loved seeing my aunts and uncles.
After my grandma passed away in 2008, the vibe was completely different. It was tough that first Christmas without her. It felt like there was a void and it was swallowing everyone whole. It got a bit easier after that; not better, just easier. Then when my uncle passed away unexpectedly in 2013, it shook us to the core. I took my uncle’s death quite hard. Then the following year my grandpa passed away. It’s been a rough few years.
I’m still grieving in some respects. I half expect my uncle to come walking in the door and have a beer with my dad. I’ll watch clips of General Hospital and think of my grandpa. He loved that damn show. I bought a box of Mike & Ike’s once and bawled my eyes out. My grandma and I used to eat those all the time. To this day, I cannot eat them. I can go weeks
What bothers me more now is that I can hardly remember things about them. Their laugh, the sound of their voice, how they smelled, what their hugs felt like. I have bits and pieces. Jumbled about in my head. However, those memories are blurred around the edges. Fading away with each year. I have tons of pictures, thanks to my mom, and enjoy flipping through them now and again.
These things are slowly slipping away and I can’t seem to stop the process. I would rather trade those memories for remembering some fucked up thing I did in college. I would rather trade in sleepless nights of relieving mistakes I’ve made (courtesy of my anxiety monster) so I could replay days spent with my grandparents. That would be so much better. Too bad it doesn’t work like that. Would be nice, right?
Maybe that’s one of the reasons my mom takes so many pictures….
Maybe that’s why I take so many pictures and videos of my friends and family now….
Cherish each moment with your loved ones, my friends. Create memories that will last lifetimes. Savor each picture and video. Capture the important moments and the silly, candid ones too. Fill your memory cards with moments of your life and download and/or print them. Share those memories! Pass along the love, acceptance, and happiness.
Smile and remember each memory when you flip through your pictures like I do with mine.