Baby don’t hurt me! don’t hurt me no more.

Okay….but in all seriousness….Love.

The thing of songs, movies, and books. People spend years looking for it and others find it everywhere they go. We give and receive love in its many forms. You can see it, hear it, and feel it. It can lift you up and it can also drop you on your ass.

Merriam-Webster has many basic definitions of love. After reading all the definitions it seems they divide love into three main types: familial, romantic, and platonic. Familial is defined as “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties”. Platonic is said to be more of an “affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests” which would describe your friendships and can even extend to things you claim to love like your car or favorite stuffed animal.

We all have love for our families, whether they be our biological family or our chosen family. We have those friends whom we love unconditionally and love us in return. We love our pets. Our cars, phones, clothes, food. We love places and times of day. We love movies, books, and TV shows too. There is so much in this world to love.

Romantic love is complex. According to Merriam-Webster it is “unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another” and “affection and tenderness”. Obviously, we all know it’s a lot more than any dictionary can put into words. Love is more than an emotion. It’s a combination of all your senses. Your entire body and mind. In some cases your soul.

Love is an incredible feeling. It can lift you up so high and leave you soaring above the clouds. It will have you smiling for no reason other than you are completely happy with your significant other(s). Seeing them, hearing their voice, enjoying your time together. Whatever it may be.

Love can also drop you on your ass and leave you feeling as if you’ve been hit by a Mack truck going 90 mph. It can sweep in and break you down. Leave you in tears for a time. Crush your spirit. Break your heart. Make you crazy. And then it can come back and heal those sore wounds and mean your broken pieces.

People all over are constantly looking for love. Dating websites, Facebook, blind dates, etc. You have 12 year olds saying they love their boyfriend/girlfriend after 2 weeks of “dating”. You have those people who start saying they are in love with their significant other within a few days of dating. I see so many throwing around the word love aimlessly and maybe even too often. But, that’s just my observation.

We are bombarded with images of how “love” should be. Books, movies, celebrities, reality TV shows, etc. We receive advice from friends and family about how to date and navigate our relationships. We seek tips from blogs and magazines. We see unbelievable standards and “relationship goals” that don’t apply to everyone.

I used to believe in the mainstream idea that you can only be in love with your partner and no one else. I’ve begun to realize that this isn’t true, at least for me. I discovered something about myself I had no idea was possible. Something that I honestly didn’t really understand. I didn’t realize that I was already doing this for years until now.

I had a panic attack a few months ago that left me in a pool of anxiety. I was struggling to wrap my head around my feelings for multiple people. I knew that I loved them all whole-heartedly, but couldn’t make up my mind. But then I had a weird thought and wondered “why couldn’t I just date all of them?” My initial reaction was that I was just being selfish and ridiculous. That kind of thing doesn’t work….but I sat and thought about it more. And more. Until it dawned on me…

I am polyamorous. *mind explodes*

Seriously, I didn’t even put those dots together. I’ve been with my wifey for years and have dated other people during that time. I hold such love for her it just consumes me. I was head over heels for my ex as well, while still holding the same amount of love for my wifey. I had text my wifey immediately and she confirmed that yes we’re poly. I am still reeling from that discovery.

We have absolute trust in each other and our relationship. We talk about everything. We offer support, comfort, guidance, advice, and whatever we need to be to each other. We date other people, but that doesn’t lessen our love for each other. We encourage each other to get out there and go on a date or two.

I am still learning about this part of myself and how to navigate this newly discovered pathway. I will share any new mind blowing epiphanies in later posts as well. Life is a strange journey, but an enjoyable one. One I am thrilled to be sharing with my incredibly gorgeous and smart wifey.

Our connection grows stronger every day. I cannot wait to see how our dynamic evolves over time. I am so excited for our future and hope soon was can live our dream. I have never been excited for my future until my darling Puddin and our precious little Warrior.

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