I truly appreciate advice and life lessons from older generations. They’ve been through so many different things and all have different life experiences. Just within my family circle there are so many points of view and I’ve heard a lot of stories. I love when my mom talks about her adventures with her best friend Jenny and all the crazy shit they did. I enjoy when my dad talks about his family and all the wild stuff his brothers did.
I ask for their advice. I want to hear their stories.
Then there is the other side to this advice pool. The people that butt in and think they know everything because they have “been there and done that” (seriously they say this and it’s fucking obnoxious). The people that will tell you what they did at our age and that we should be doing it too.
We’ll hear phrases like: “You need to settle down”; “When are you going to start a family”; “When I was your age…”; “You’ll meet the right man”. And many more. I just LOVE the “should” statements too. “You should go out more”, “you should find a better job”, “you should dress more lady like”, “you shouldn’t talk like that”…and on and on. It makes me so happy to hear what I should be doing with my life from people who aren’t living my life.
Seriously, I think there is a secret book that these people pass around with choice phrases like this. Or there is a website where they get this shit from but it uses a hidden URL or something.
My absolute favorite thing to hear is, “you’ll change your mind when you’re older”. Really? I’m 25, that’s not old enough to decide the direction I want my life to go?
Want to know where I hear this from? Moms. ALL THE TIME!
My mom likes to gab with the other moms at school functions. And recently she was talking with one of the other moms about grandkids. This woman looks at me and asks when I’ll be settling down and giving my mom some grandkids. I laughed in her face and told her that I don’t want kids. She looked so shocked and said that one phrase, “oh you’ll change your mind later on.”
No I won’t. I won’t change my mind at all. I just don’t want kids.
And moms hate hearing this! They go ape shit because I am choosing to go against my biological nature to reproduce. Like my one purpose is to birth some babies and give the gift of life or my life won’t be complete. Um…hell no!
They like to tell me that I haven’t met the right man too. As if meeting the “perfect” guy is going to magically change my mind about having kids. I try really hard not to scream at these women. This type of bullshit makes me want to rage out.
It baffles my mind that older women say this crap. I am old enough to know what I want. I am old enough to decide what I do with my body. Your beliefs, your choices, your opinions don’t mean anything to me. Meeting the right partner, having the right job, living in the perfect neighborhood…it doesn’t fucking matter! I have no maternal instinct in my body. I don’t like holding babies. I don’t like babysitting. I find children gross and obnoxious. I just…nonononoNO!
And I know a few of my friends who have made the same choice. There are lots of other women who have decided to not reproduce for various reasons.
Why do we get such flack for actually being responsible adults and knowing that we couldn’t handle having a child? Does this make any sense? No it doesn’t
My comeback to these women, “Yeah my kids will have four paws and a tail.” The look of disappointment is so satisfying.