that whole dating thing sucks

that whole dating thing sucks

I’m going to apologize in advanced for this little rant. I’m running on little sleep and lots of soda. I have miles of thoughts I’m trying to untangle and this was one of my threads.

Dating in this day and age is the worst. I would rather walk on Legos than try and date someone. Yeah, I went there.

Think about it for a moment.

Countless dating apps. Some are even specifically for age groups, sexual orientations, ethnic groups, and religious affiliations. There are even ones you pay a membership for and have to answer a billion questions on top of it!

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK?!?

There’s also speed dating events, singles night at bars/clubs, those horrible set ups from your married friends.

It’s a migraine I really don’t want to have. Ever.

It started out as having a crush on someone you hung around with at school or one of your friends buddies. You kept hanging around your friends hoping you’d see them again and work up the courage to talk to them. You’d exchange numbers, maybe even AIM screennames! That was legit as fuck. Now, you find someone on an app, talk for two weeks, “hang out” a few times, and your whole relationship is on your social media page of choice.

So our mode of dating has changed as well as the language, which for me is the biggest deterrent right now. Instead of “It’s a date!” or “Want to go out with me?” it’s become “we’re just talking” and “we’re hanging out”, or the worst “Netflix and chill”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT? How long do you have to be “talking” to be considered a relationship? And however that whole “we’re hanging out” thing happened, I wish it was immediately stopped because it’s fucking annoying.

Now, I don’t begrudge anyone for sharing relationship events like anniversaries, presents, cool date locations, family pics, whatever. I love seeing my friends and family happy and getting treated right. I love seeing happy couples and all that sappy love stuff. It gives me hope for this world.

I guess I’m just a little old fashioned. I was having a conversation with a good friend and I told her I wish someone would court me. Come to my house, call upon me with a big thing of flowers, and take me somewhere special. It doesn’t have to be fancy, just different. A park, the beach, a late night drive downtown, a drive-in movie, some hole in the wall diner that has the best burger, ANYTHING really!

The more I try and date, the more I find it rather pointless and horrible. It feels like I’m trying to wedge myself into this tiny box, but I’m not going to fit. Why do I even bother anymore? Is it some brainwashed idea that the media planted in my brain? Is it some ingrained instinct to find a suitable mate? Whatever it is sucks balls and I’m fighting like a salmon upstream.

I have the relationships I want and I’m content as all hell with that. I’m taking that box society gave me and burning it.

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Embracing those hairy ass legs

Embracing those hairy ass legs

A few months ago, I watched a video of these women talking about their body hair and body positivity. I then watched other videos and more blogs about women embracing their body hair and choosing not to shave.

I was grossed out at first. I mean…hairy ass legs and armpits. Not trimming your lady bits! At the time I watched those vids I said I would never stop shaving or trimming. I was obsessed about my body hair and making sure it was taken care of.

I have been shaving my legs and pits since I was 13-14. I didn’t start trimming my pubic hair until I was 16. All four years of college I shaved all my pubes off. At one point I was shaving my legs every day, mainly during the spring and summer months. I hated the feel of unshaved legs and pits.

In the last two years I have been more lax about shaving. It’s easier in the winter because I wear nothing but pants. In the summer I was a bit crazy about making sure my legs looked hairless and pretty. But my obsession came at a cost. Razor burn, in-grown hairs, rashes. I changed razors, shaving creams, and lotions to prevent burn and razor bumps. But I fucked up my legs with my crazy habits.

We live in a world which parades these images of what “true beauty” looks like. Society bombards us with ads for razors, home waxing kits, shaving creams, etc. It wants us to be these smooth, hairless dolls to live up to a crazy image they created. There is a stigma regarding female body hair, and these women are breaking it.

I was inspired to do the same. My skin is so sensitive due to years of obsessive shaving and I can’t do it anymore. I had a talk with my wife about this as well. She made the same decision. She explained that she was fed up with the skin irritation shaving caused and stopped shaving for a few days to let her skin breathe. She commented about how at first the new growth was disgusting and she wanted to shave, but also wanted to see it grow more. She hasn’t shaved in a month now, though she still fights the urge to shave because the growth is somewhat gross, she is not going to give in.

I haven’t shaved my legs or arm pits in two weeks. I was so grossed out the first few days. The itchy stubble was nasty. I wanted to shave so bad, but I resisted. After that first week I noticed how soft my leg hair was and found myself constantly petting my legs. I know I sound ridiculous, but it’s so fucking soft! Seriously, I’m fascinated by it. My underarms are the same way. I have also noticed that I don’t sweat as much under my arms and I don’t smell as bad.

Normally, I would be having a panic attack about going out in public with furry legs, but I don’t give one fuck. If people stare or make rude comments, it doesn’t bother me. I am doing something that makes me feel good and is good for my body.

I still trim my pubic hair, but I don’t shave it bald or shave it at all. Not only do I not have the time to dedicate to such a daunting task, but my skin can’t handle that level of shaving anymore.

Do I worry about what my future partner(s) will say? Not at all. If they don’t like it, that’s their problem. I am not going to change for anyone. If they want a shaved pussy, they can watch porn.

I would love to hear from other women who are embracing their bodies. Have you received any comments from people or partners? What were your reasons for not shaving? What were some of your initial thoughts during the new growth stages?

Embrace your bodies ladies, you are all beautiful!

you’ll change your mind when you’re older

I truly appreciate advice and life lessons from older generations. They’ve been through so many different things and all have different life experiences. Just within my family circle there are so many points of view and I’ve heard a lot of stories. I love when my mom talks about her adventures with her best friend Jenny and all the crazy shit they did. I enjoy when my dad talks about his family and all the wild stuff his brothers did.

I ask for their advice. I want to hear their stories.

Then there is the other side to this advice pool. The people that butt in and think they know everything because they have “been there and done that” (seriously they say this and it’s fucking obnoxious). The people that will tell you what they did at our age and that we should be doing it too.

We’ll hear phrases like: “You need to settle down”; “When are you going to start a family”; “When I was your age…”; “You’ll meet the right man”. And many more. I just LOVE the “should” statements too. “You should go out more”, “you should find a better job”, “you should dress more lady like”, “you shouldn’t talk like that”…and on and on. It makes me so happy to hear what I should be doing with my life from people who aren’t living my life.

Seriously, I think there is a secret book that these people pass around with choice phrases like this. Or there is a website where they get this shit from but it uses a hidden URL or something.

My absolute favorite thing to hear is, “you’ll change your mind when you’re older”. Really? I’m 25, that’s not old enough to decide the direction I want my life to go?

Want to know where I hear this from? Moms. ALL THE TIME!

My mom likes to gab with the other moms at school functions. And recently she was talking with one of the other moms about grandkids. This woman looks at me and asks when I’ll be settling down and giving my mom some grandkids. I laughed in her face and told her that I don’t want kids. She looked so shocked and said that one phrase, “oh you’ll change your mind later on.”

No I won’t. I won’t change my mind at all. I just don’t want kids.

And moms hate hearing this! They go ape shit because I am choosing to go against my biological nature to reproduce. Like my one purpose is to birth some babies and give the gift of life or my life won’t be complete. Um…hell no!

They like to tell me that I haven’t met the right man too. As if meeting the “perfect” guy is going to magically change my mind about having kids. I try really hard not to scream at these women. This type of bullshit makes me want to rage out.

It baffles my mind that older women say this crap. I am old enough to know what I want. I am old enough to decide what I do with my body. Your beliefs, your choices, your opinions don’t mean anything to me. Meeting the right partner, having the right job, living in the perfect neighborhood…it doesn’t fucking matter! I have no maternal instinct in my body. I don’t like holding babies. I don’t like babysitting. I find children gross and obnoxious. I just…nonononoNO!

And I know a few of my friends who have made the same choice. There are lots of other women who have decided to not reproduce for various reasons.

Why do we get such flack for actually being responsible adults and knowing that we couldn’t handle having a child? Does this make any sense? No it doesn’t

My comeback to these women, “Yeah my kids will have four paws and a tail.” The look of disappointment is so satisfying.

why didn’t you respond?

why didn’t you respond?

How many people do you talk to on a daily basis? Do you text them throughout the day? Maybe a phone call once a week or every other week? Or are you a Snapchat addict and send random clips to everyone and that’s it? Do you spend hours on Facebook commenting on your friends pictures, posts, and sending messages?

We live in a time where we have an abundance of platforms to connect with friends and family. Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, Snapchat, Kik, Instagram. There are tons of social media apps. It has changed the way we communicate and our expectations too.

What happened to AIM?!? Yahoo messanger!!! Remember when we had to press 7 four times if we wanted “S”?? Or when we would use our landline to call our best friend and have them meet us at the park to play? Does anyone remember riding or walking by your friend’s house to see if they were home? Those were the days.

There are so many avenues to talk to your friends and family it’s exhausting. I can’t keep up with any of these things anymore. Hell, I don’t even post much on Facebook. I share videos of cats and puppies and random things. I don’t use Twitter. I barely use my Instagram. And I use tumblr for more cat videos!

I only text one person on a daily basis and that’s my wifey. I text a few people throughout the week and send random memes to my best friend. I think I call my girlfriend every other week (when either of us remembers) and text her sporadically. These are simple check-ins. Quick little conversations about work, relationships, and maybe to make plans to meet up. Easy and effortless.

I’m an introvert. I find being social and having to talk to so many people tiresome and irritating. Small talk and tedious exchanges are fucking ridiculous. I have no problem talking to the few friends I have and hanging out, but not every day or all the time.

I received a random Snapchat message (like come on? Are you fucking kidding me, bro?) from someone asking why I never respond to their Snaps. I resisted the urge to become SUPER petty, and instead became irritated and ranted a good while. I had to legit explain my communication style and that I am not the type of person to talk to someone all day every day. I had a very looooooong conversation with this person and in the end they unfriended me on Facebook (yeah, that’ll show me!).

How is it that people can become so angry that you didn’t send them a Snapchat back or respond to their text immediately after you received it? Or that you don’t talk to them on a daily basis because you are friends?

I am open about the way I am. I don’t talk to many people. I like it that way. I can go days without texting a single person or talking with them on any platform. Hell, I can go days without talking to people face-to-face! I often times need to space to recharge my social batteries.

Don’t become frustrated or angry that I’m not talking to you. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be your friend or forgot about you. It’s how I am. I won’t apologize for it either. If you want to unfriend me or stop following me because it doesn’t match how you are, that’s your business. I don’t give a fuck.

they’re like blurry photos now

they’re like blurry photos now

This might be a little (or a lot) sad to read and may make you reach for your box of tissues. Fair warning for some hard hitting feels.

They say memories last forever, but I truly don’t believe that as many of mine are starting to turn blurry and fading out.

A few days ago I woke up extremely sad and heartbroken. It was a rough day at work and I found myself at point sitting in the back of a car crying. I dragged ass all day and was so relieved to get home. I ended up talking with one of my Anchors and sobbing a little bit more before I fell asleep.

It’s that time of year again. Family holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas. Growing up this was my favorite time because it meant all the decorations came out, family kept popping by the house, and finally those select days the entire family came over. Food, laughter, pictures, presents. It was magical. As a child and teen I loved it. I loved seeing my aunts and uncles.

After my grandma passed away in 2008, the vibe was completely different. It was tough that first Christmas without her. It felt like there was a void and it was swallowing everyone whole. It got a bit easier after that; not better, just easier. Then when my uncle passed away unexpectedly in 2013, it shook us to the core. I took my uncle’s death quite hard. Then the following year my grandpa passed away. It’s been a rough few years.

I’m still grieving in some respects. I half expect my uncle to come walking in the door and have a beer with my dad. I’ll watch clips of General Hospital and think of my grandpa. He loved that damn show. I bought a box of Mike & Ike’s once and bawled my eyes out. My grandma and I used to eat those all the time. To this day, I cannot eat them. I can go weeks

What bothers me more now is that I can hardly remember things about them. Their laugh, the sound of their voice, how they smelled, what their hugs felt like. I have bits and pieces. Jumbled about in my head. However, those memories are blurred around the edges. Fading away with each year. I have tons of pictures, thanks to my mom, and enjoy flipping through them now and again.

These things are slowly slipping away and I can’t seem to stop the process. I would rather trade those memories for remembering some fucked up thing I did in college. I would rather trade in sleepless nights of relieving mistakes I’ve made (courtesy of my anxiety monster) so I could replay days spent with my grandparents. That would be so much better. Too bad it doesn’t work like that. Would be nice, right?

Maybe that’s one of the reasons my mom takes so many pictures….

Maybe that’s why I take so many pictures and videos of my friends and family now….

Cherish each moment with your loved ones, my friends. Create memories that will last lifetimes. Savor each picture and video. Capture the important moments and the silly, candid ones too. Fill your memory cards with moments of your life and download and/or print them. Share those memories! Pass along the love, acceptance, and happiness.

Smile and remember each memory when you flip through your pictures like I do with mine.

This past week I’ve been grasping at straws for an idea. The topics I have on my list and snippets of posts written all seem, blah. But then the other day at work I was struck with an idea after some comments by a coworker.

I work as a detailer in a repair shop. I clean cars for a living. And I love the fucking hell out of it! I get to be on my feet, moving around, free from a desk, and sweating balls in a hot ass shop. I’m dog tired at the end of the day and don’t have to talk to assholes on the phone. It’s amazing!

Naturally, I’m surrounded by men. Which doesn’t bother me at all. In fact the guys at the shop have been very welcoming and I’ve had some really good conversations with them all. There is another woman, but she works at the front desk. She’s very nice and loves to chat.

Now, I’m no stranger to hard work and labor. My dad is a tile man and I’ve frequently joined him on jobs since I was 6 years old. As I’ve gotten older my jobs while working with him have intensified. I can obviously lift more weight, do more tedious tasks, and can work independently. He even lets me use the assortment of power tools without fear that I’ll run off and start anarchy in the streets, though I have those thoughts daily with out without the power tools.

You’re probably thinking, “Jess, where are you going with this?” Well, kids…I’m getting there.

So…at the shop there is a unisex bathroom. As I was making my way from the back to the front to use the restroom, the one guy makes a comment that almost had his ass on the floor.

He turned to me and said, “You know there’s a bathroom in the office. It’s a little more private for you ladies.” I stopped in my tracks and just stared at him as if he grew two heads.

Folks, I’m no stranger to comments suggesting I shouldn’t be doing the work of men. Working with my dad as much as I have, I hear it a lot from the people he works with. “Do you need help carrying that”, “Do you know what you’re doing”, or my personal favorite “Do you even know how to use that”.

Yes, I do know how to use and operate every tool my dad has because he taught me. He made sure I knew what every saw and drill was for; even down to the types of screws, bolts, and when to use them. He taught me well and I’m proud to be a tile man’s daughter. And yes I have thrown my knowledge in those idiots faces when they make their remarks. My dad is extremely proud of me and how I stand up for myself in those situations. He calls me the ox since I’m so strong.

However, I’ve never had a comment about my bathroom usage. Apparently now I can’t use a unisex bathroom because it doesn’t have privacy! No matter how you try to phrase it, it sounds absolutely horrible. Just because I’m a woman working in a typically male dominated field doesn’t mean I should be treated differently. I do NOT want special treatment. I understand where he was going, but dude, come on! He made it ever worse by going on about how even those there is a stall in there, what would happen if I came out and one of the guys were in there.

In my head, I’m laughing my ass off and making all kinds of nasty remarks like “well I’d get a free show” or “it would be the start to a bad porno”. Instead, I said nothing and walked into the bathroom. I did walk out and said, “It’s a fucking bathroom. I don’t care who uses it. I work here too.” Of course, he had no further comments.

My point is simple, I am not afraid to do what men do. Shit, I am considered “one of the guys” by a lot of my friends. My friends tell me when I’m having one of my “dude moments” and enjoy them as well. I am genderfluid and see myself as both male and female. Comments like the ones mentioned really piss me off as, in my mind at least, I am a guy, even though biologically I don’t look like it.